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lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

it's like this and like this and like this and that.

April 17th, 2008 (01:20 am)
current mood: blunt
current song: magnetic fields -- i thought you were my boyfriend

so i've been working, going to school, coughing, going on picnics, going out to dance nights, not working, gaining weight and listening to a lot of music. we have three cats and home life is more like a conversational bulldozer when one gets caught in the unfortunate crosshairs of a quick trip to the bathroom or doing homework on the couch. productivity is at a stand-still and my hands are aching for the pricks of embroidery needles while my eyes cry out for the strain of minute bead differentiation.

finally, though, eileen is back from mexico.
i'd appreciate if the rest of my friends could refrain from having surgery in foreign countries, please.
nothing makes me nervous anymore, i'm just really ready to go live in san francisco.
i'll be there by september, just you wait.
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lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

(no subject)

February 24th, 2008 (07:06 pm)
current mood: young-feelin'
current song: orchestral swell and hysterical giggling

with all the drama of a new mother of a miracle baby, i give to you my gently used-to-new-ish cat, who is going by toby-the-cat until we can figure out a name he will recognize from his life with the awful people who left him locked in an abandoned apartment for five days but not associate with it. my first new-ish pet of any kind in over ten years! holy hell!

my cat got bands:
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my cat stretches out.
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my cat has seven fingers on each of his paws OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
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my life is going awesome-ly, by the way. i really hope yours is too, i'll be back-reading in order to find out if it is or not very shortly. let's hope by the time i've caught up you've managed to make it as lovely as it should be. hey, ever notice how a lot of us on livejournal watched each other grow up sort of? and not just those of us to jump on board in junior high, all you bitches. hell, i've seen you get married and have little kids (and since you kids are amazing and the kind of people i feel SHOULD be breeding it excites rather than depresses me, so keep it up), i've heard what you really thought about the people you loved and the people who loved you. you have actually listened to me whine for over seven years now, and there's something really fucking awesome about all of it.

you'd never guess i was smoking weed and watching the oscars, would you?
more embarrassingly, i cried dead-sober at that let it out kleenex commercial? you know?
with the bald guy?
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that dude could be my dad if my dad were less of a total douche.
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and you can just shut-up.

ps in the interest of keeping up the picture theme, but with respect to dsl and dial-up users: CHRISTY BROUGHT ME A DOUGHNUT MAN THIS MORNING.
TINY PICTURE:
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lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

BECAUSE WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN, WELL C'MON...

October 21st, 2007 (06:00 am)
current mood: amused and sleepy.
current song: YOU'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN, C'MON...

since we last spoke i've been driving my friends to parties. the end.
ps i have told them this is unacceptable. i usually spend these parties soberly walking around ducking my shy head in cornerns and waiting until they are all drunk enough that they don't notice me slipping out the door to go to the one place i will voluntarily go these days: safeway. i buy a chocolate milk and watermelon squares and sit on the hood of my car watching lightrails til it's time to go back and gather up my flock of intoxitarded goslings that i might spend the next three hours ushering them to 3 different afterparties where i spend more time in dark corners, drinking disgusting diet soda and ending the evening (if i'm lucky) alone, crashing to sleep at 5-6am, only to wake up &drive back downtown to take someone home from wherever their booty called, or perhaps drive them to work. More often than not i wake up in my clothes at 4pm, mascara streaked across my face and forty-seven missed calls from people, two of them interested in my company, forty from the same three people needing a ride, and five from my mom calling to check on me.

i really LIKE the people i know. i don't believe it's asking too much to spend some time with them that doesn't involve chugging whiskey and potentially even something interesting, productive, and (dear god, what?) FUN, like our old craft nights or painting parties, something more intellectually stimulating than small talk with people whose name is the most exciting thing i know about them. maybe it's over, i've lost all my babies to the party monster.

i need to get a job. now.
that is the only way to get anyone to stop treating me like a very shabby old doormat.
yelling does not work. i tried it already.

they are the sweetest girls in the whole entire world, though.
if they weren't they would have all gone the way of the buffalo (buffalo=jimmy hoffa) long before now.
whoa, what was that? i believe i heard that unfamiliar click of a spine rattling through my organ mass.


that said, i went to a party tonight.
actually managed to have fun until i spotted this:
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the first winner of mtv's "so you wanna be a veejay?" contest,
presumably some heroin dealer's wet dream,
at the party, drunkenly swaying atop the washing machine, begging people not to leave the laundry room, a very nice camera dangling from his wobbly limbs.

eileen: that tall guy looks oddly familiar.
lisa: that's because you saw empire records once ten years ago.
eileen: good call.

these are what girls(/z?) who idolize jesse camp are like:
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to quote someone familiar: "we gotta get outta this place, if it's the la-&ct..."

christy is here. she is oddly self-sufficient as compared to my other kindreds and wonderful (as usual).

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

(no subject)

August 13th, 2007 (09:06 pm)

on august 13th, 1961 a wall was erected down the middle of the city of berlin. the world was divided by a cold war, and the berlin wall was the most hated symbol of that divide...
(if only all my history courses had been directed by john cameron mitchell, i'd have a degree in the stuff by now.)

forty-six years to the day after the berlin wall went up, my thirteen year old kitty died of feline leukemia.
i've had her since the day she was born, and she was a skittish little squirrel who only had a truly lasting fondness for me and my mother. when i came back from college she pissed on all of my clothes because she was mad at having to share the attention from my mom, and then mike moved in and she loved me again and pissed on all of his clothes, which was much funnier. i bought her a fancy feast and some little furry mice to play with last night, and i sobbed like a baby in the cat food aisle at safeway.

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what a disgustingly powerful sense of loss i have right now.
i'm ashamed to say that neither one of my grandparent's deaths had nearly this impact on me.
bye-bye little bear.

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

i wish i had a girl who looked good, i would call her.

June 22nd, 2007 (05:15 pm)
current mood: yay
current song: as time goes by (theme from casablanca)

here comes the hypocrite train:
MY GOD, PEOPLE, DO YOU KNOW HOW BLOODY RARE IT IS TO FIND LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE IN A WORLD THIS LARGE? OR HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY LOVE YOU, BE IT A FRIEND OR LOVER?

IT'S FUCKING DIFFICULT.
(that was the no-duh caboose of the hypocrite train.)

eileen is the only person with perhaps the exception of vladimir who has actually silently watched me self-destruct, offering nothing more than a shoulder or kind word if i needed it and- get this- NARY A JUDGEMENT, though much of the time my destruction was affecting her directly. eileen knows how to deal with me when i'm upset, eileen is one of maybe five people that helped me really remember that there's a bit of an enigma about me that is worth the attention of the ocassional passing soul and worth the love of absolutely incredible people that i seem to make it my mission to assemble in my patchwork heart. these people are so beautiful and awe-inspiring and oftentimes so bogged down in the daily sludge one has to go through to keep a little hope in their eyes that they can't recognize that they are the only reasons i am still alive and joyful about it.

heather in ohio.
ryan adrift.
sarah and godard movies at tower,
jenny and all her sad and lovely pictures.
y'all qualify for this category.

i'm so sorry if for any reason you have ever felt like you didn't mean the whole world to me. if this sounds melodramatic, put it in the context of the bits of my personality that you know (aka "LIFE IS DRAMATIC! LOOK AT THAT GODDAMN SUNSET AND YOU JUST TRY NOT TO LET IT MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT BENEVOLENT FORCES WE'RE ALL REALLY HAPPY TO LET STAY UNKNOWN BECAUSE THAT KEEPS ITS MEANING TO ONLY LOVE INSTEAD OF HATING ANYBODY, WHICH WE CAN'T BECAUSE THAT SUNSET IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL."etc).

two weeks ago i saw my father, whom i have not seen in ten years. he is an old man now and keeps a photo of me, aged 8, on his desk. he's had a stroke and shake-shake-shakily hands me things from a combination of the aforementioned and thirty years of alcohol abuse. i spent two days after the visit in my bed, and i woke up okay.

i failed my written permit test yesterday, so i did some laundry and now i'm okay.

for my 21st birthday a week or so ago i got the papers which mean my trust fund is finally mine, though it's not liquidated til mid-july or so. ten thousand or so goes to my wonderful and kind mother, who has supported my depression for nearly two years, and i am investing the rest, save three thousand dollars which i am using to take off around this lovely continent to spread the gospel of huggin' to those who haven't had the good fortune of hearing it in a while.

and then i'm going back to school, because richard johnson (first teacher of first class freshman year of college) hath made me want to learn for the rest of my life, if only to accumulate a mass of knowledge one fourth the size of his without being bitter and still having a heart the size of a mastadon.

i am so fucking lucky that the people i love reciporocate. i'm just lucky to have found them at all. i can't even begin to fathom focusing on what i don't have when what i do have is so blasted abundant and every tiny gem in my big pile is of genuine quality.

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

i've been in this town so long that back in the city I've been taken for lost and gone...

April 29th, 2007 (11:26 am)
current mood: groggy
current song: paul&paula--hey, paula

i've missed you, my darlings.
(Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket=Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket ?)








ps: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
this is just in case you were wondering what it looks like when you put sunglasses on a dog's rump.

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

EVERY KISS MEANS LESS AND LESS, I'M FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU

March 13th, 2006 (05:59 am)
current song: the 'i get lonesome' mix of 2002

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WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROINE...
since when has it been nearly a month between entries? my, my, how this year is just FLYING, don't you think? lord. since we last chatted much has happened. a year after starting the espresso bar [and two months since quitting], david asked me back for two days a week, thus explaining my consciousness at this ghastly hour. yesterday my mother quit her job and i donated what remained of the ten thousand dollar check i received at the beginning of the month to the hey-let's-keep-the-house-a-month-or-two fund. to fill the anxiety i feel about being alive and all the things that will eventually entail i have bought a room full of craft supplies and have naught to speak of for fruition save a really ugly moss-covered lion door knocker. i sit with strangers in rooms i'd rather sleep in with my head in the clouds, doodling cowboys on horses and scrawling illegible maxims i wonder at later. i've woken up several times slumped in the computer chair, back in knots and wondering what day of the week it is and depressed to find out that it didn't matter. went to san francisco with designs on a napoleon tattoo and some good times, turned into a couple of panic attacks and the loss of a potentially amusing pal. had a run-in with a couple of police officers and some very angry parents that rivaled being eaten alive on my pounding heart's richter scale. i have a heartsick new friend and restless old family-likes.

i lost my phone after a year, one hundred and eighty-one contacts at last count.
please leave your number if i was sposed to have it.
[ryan, i think you called? i'll call back today, i had yours written down.]

we all need to get the fuck out of here,
there's nowhere lonelier than the little big city.

oh, but hey, i'm fine when you get down to it, just so no one gets the wrong idea.
that psychic that ashley and i went to told me i'd be alone until the end of the year, when i will meet the person i'll spend the rest of my life with. apparently i'll also have two girls and live overseas. see guys, i won't spend the rest of my life alone like i've been fearing! color me horrified.

ps i have a disgusting rash all over both arms from sweating in angora. i also have roots in my hair that are two inches long. i just want everyone to get a good mental picture here.

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

(no subject)

December 31st, 2005 (04:25 pm)

APOLOGIES FOR THE REDUNDANCY, I JUST POSTED THIS ON MYSPACE.

ON BEING MACED AND ROBBED IN PARIS - a love story:

i was punched in the face and sprayed with copious amounts of mace while my camera was ripped from my hands and my purse torn from my shoulders at one in the morning at the west leg of the eiffel tower.

things gone:
passport
identification
3 major credit cards


this was all done by a group of fifteen perfectly nice looking young men who, while i lay sprawled in the grass clutching my blind and burning eyes, proceeded to beat the living piss out of my entire group of friends. vladimir went missing for three hours and i sobbed like a baby when we found out he was okay.


props go out to:
-the man who led us to the police station, stayed with us, escorted us to the hostel, and took videos and photos of a very shocked me screaming salt n' pepa's ''shoop'' into the dirty seine while lea hummed loudly the saxaphone bit from ''careless whispers''.
-the only kind police officer in france, who took my report and let me sob two hours of macey tears into his four hundred dollar suit when i was ignored completely by the four hundred officers surrounding the eiffel tower.
-juan, the guy running the counter at the hostel, who brought us beer at four am and played a mix he had made with stereo total, metric, bowie, and danced with us to all of it when none of us wanted to be alone, and stayed with us until his shift ended at eight am.


anti-props to:
-the thugs who hurt me and my friends.
-police. everywhere.
-whoever is using my fucking camera right now.







i have to get to a fucking american embassy today, and once my mom wires money into vlad's account and he gives it to me, he is off to portugal. from i, however, will be hiding in my youth hostel until an hour before my plane leaves charles de galle and i will be home, sometime within the next three days. please leave me your phone number, some of you, i'd like to talk to friends right now and my phone list was in my wallet. i am coming home and going to bed and not going outside for at least six months.
i'm not sad, not even in a bad mood, just absolutely petrified to be alive! GAAAAHHHH. this is ridiculous.


PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SCARY AND I AM SHOCKED AT HOW STRANGE THINGS ARE.
hahahaha,
happy 2006, kittens!

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

(no subject)

December 12th, 2005 (02:40 pm)
current mood: hairball
current song: al green--let's stay together

FIRST SENTENCE OF EVERY MONTH:

January: somehow there's a virus on this computer that means i can't use the mouse so internet activity has gotten to be more trouble than it's worth.

February: LASHEA AND I FOUND THE PERFECT APARTMENT.

March: arlen and i have been sitting side by side for the past two hours nerdily indulging ourselves, two computers clicky-clacking and lots of "oh my gosh, look!" as he delves through his musical cache and i old livejournal entries.

April: CALVIN HOW'D YOU GET SO ATTRACTIVE?

May: so let's be honest:

it really fucking sucks that the heather who has been nothing but insecure since birth and a sort-of friend of mine since age seven is getting married to an alcoholic moron AND, less importantly but still gross, that as maid of honor it is my duty to act like this is anything but a complete mistake.

June: hello, dear livejournal.

July: my pandering to corporate america has bought me a sleigh-lookin' futon couch.

August: i have a to-do list a mile long that i'm ignoring completely.

September: has anyone else noticed how COMPLETELY ALMOST FALL IT VERY MUCH IS, HMM?

October: i just had to turn off aimee & jaguar because when the man comes up from the basement and asks with apologetic, sunken and worn blue eyes if he could have the rest of the potatoes i began to sob like somebody slapped me and killed my cat and burned my house down.

November: don't care what you think about bloodflowers, this song would still be the best thing ever for an early eighties drugged-up sex orgy.

December: i've been so relieved to be done with this, the work and the waking and no time to further my education and NOW, now all i want to do is stay and slop out coffee beverages forever.




my boss took me out to an expensive dinner and told me that i was the best employee he'd ever had, then gave me a three hundred dollar digital camera. expect most entries to come with photographic interludes until i get bored. me and my mommy!:

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what's up, the last couple of days have been depressing as hell.

lisa says on a night like this: [userpic]

I LIKE TO WATCH THINGS ON TV

August 31st, 2005 (07:34 pm)
current mood: ask again later
current song: lou reed--satellite of love

so i threw my back out.
and then i threw a can of hairspray out the window.

subluxation of the spine is what i have, and for me it involves ten discs in my spine being shoved outta where they normally go. four of these are the result of an old whiplash injury that went untreated three or less years ago.

this means:
JESUSCHRISTOUCH.
it also means extensive and expensive chiropractic treatment.
expensive in you pay for it when you get it and in you need like ten appointments in a row before you can even walk without pain and expensive in when you miss ten hours of work so far because in your back it hurts and oh gosh does it hurt and when the fuck are you going to be able to receive a proper hug again? you don't know. arlen tried to hug you last night and you howled like a wolverine and let out sobs you didn't know you had in the sob bank because it hurt you so bad. that sucked, didn't it? you like hugs.

and if my landlord asks you, i didn't so much in a furious haze of totally being mean hurl a can of hairspray into the dining room-cum-office nook that accidentally hit the golden quail and caused the cheap glass to completely shatter upward and then outward into the ivy and dirt alley just behind my apartment two stories below as i was cleaning lint off the fan and just plum shoved the broom handle through the glass. oops and giggle to the tune of about two hundred-dollars-i-can't-afford?

especially since i, you know, had capital one screw me over YET AGAIN and am now a whopping 1G in debt to the man. i have sixty dollars to buy food and necessities until next friday.


it would sound like life sucks if i didn't totally have three days off starting day after tomorrow. it would sound even more like life sucks if i totally hadn't planned on taking a road trip with a few of my pals to la before realizing oh how broke i am-and-will-be-for-months. if vlad doesn't come home this weekend i'm hitting up my mother for a few bucks for gas and taking off to the berk for three days because:

being with people who aren't content to rot in the capitol city for the rest of their lives has made me even more decided to get the fuck out of here. i like california, it's just everywhere that's not feeling fally and cloudy and gray by the bay by this time a year should really disappear.


what's up, guys, i'm feeling more ambitious in this manic moment.

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